It’s true! I love it raw, when it’s cooked I don’t like it as much. I don’t know why.

It’s my birthday on Monday and I’m going to be 20, so tomorrow we’re going to celebrate by going clubbing dressed as school girls and boys. Yay for fancy dress :)

I suppose I better go and finish cleaning the house, then I need to dye my hair and have some dinner. I miss blogging but I really never know what to say, I seem to be better at making vlogs lately, sorry guys!

I feel like such an idiot. More and more lately I’ve been letting things get me down…and when I say things I mean…a thing, yes just one thing. And don’t get me wrong, I’m still happy bubbly Gemma but there are moments when I…well quite frankly I just burst into tears and it’s ridiculous! I don’t cry a huge amount usually and I’m not an overly emotional person, I happy cry quite a bit, at a film, something someone’s said, a card etc. But sad cry? Sad cries don’t happen very often for me…until recently, and often I will get angry because I don’t like being upset, but then about 15 minutes later I’ll sit on the floor with my knee’s bent, I’ll take a deep breath and then that’s when it all comes flooding out, my face goes red, my eyes get sore and I can never breathe properly, but then at the same time I’ll try to be as quiet as possible. I may like attention normally, but when I’m upset I don’t. I don’t like people seeing me cry and there’s very few people who I will actually cry in front of and who I’ll open up to completely about things. A lot of the time in my head I’ll be thinking “Gemma, what on earth are you doing? You’re stronger than this!” and then my heart and my feelings always get the better of me. I can’t help but be someone who follows their heart instead of their head, if it feels right, even if sometimes it probably isn’t, then that’s what matters to me and that’s what I’m having a problem with lately.

I know that for once I need to listen to my head and not my heart. I need to think about my future and what’s going to be the best thing for me regarding that. I need to not worry about the present, specifically how mine and Toms relationship will cope with me moving away to university in 2 months time. Yes this is what this is all about and this is the whole reason that deep down inside I don’t want to go to university but I know I need to and have to. I know me and Tom will stay together and we’ll still see each other but I’ve never known such an amazing guy and I’ve never felt like things were just meant to be with a guy before, even though I have been in love before I just feel like with me and Tom it’s different. It’s hard to explain and I’m not great with explaining my feelings anyway but I don’t know what I’d do if me going to university ruins our relationship and the whole thought of that hurts, really hurts.

When I was in Nottingham for 5 days last month, I felt so far away, and even though Nottingham’s only an hour away it’s not nice knowing that I couldn’t just take a walk and go and see him, I couldn’t just ask if he wanted to go somewhere spur of the moment and I couldn’t just randomly turn up at his flat if for some reason I really needed him, and that’s exactly what it’s going to be like in two months time, only it’s not going to be for just 5 days this time, it’s going to be for 3 – 4 years…

I shouldn’t be acting like this, especially not 2 months beforehand, a week before yes, but 2 months no. Everyone else is looking forward to going to university, they’re all so excited, even the ones with boyfriends. People keep telling me that everything will be fine and I’ll have so much fun, but maybe that’s not really what I want and nothing anyone says will make a difference or make me feel better. I am going to university and I’m going to make a bloody good teacher, I’m determined and driven, and I want and need to make people proud of me. I need to be everything I can be, I need to be strong, follow my dreams and work for that future I want so badly, but, if I could have things any other way…then I would.

Wow, it’s been far far faaaaaar too long since I’ve posted on here which is terrible. I finished college at the start of June and now the summer is flying by, or at least it feels like it! Anyway, about 8 weeks ago Tom surprised me with an amazing trip to Paris and here’s a video to show you all what we did…

I’ve been doing other bits and bobs too like going to Nottingham for 5 days which is where my university is that I’ll be going to in September. My aunt and uncle live in Nottingham so I stayed with them and my cousin was over from Belfast in Ireland which was great because it meant I got to hang out with her and have a fantastic time where far too much alcohol was consumed.

It’s really weird blogging on here again and I feel like I have to update you all on what’s going on in my life but apart from Paris, Nottingham and other nights out there’s not much worth mentioning. I suppose I should start posting here on a regular basis again so I can actually talk about more interesting things instead of sitting here for about an hour banging my head against the desk. I’ve really gotten back into youtube lately though and have been posting on my channel a lot but I remember months ago when I’d have so much to talk about and I’d always be writing new posts, I think I’m going through a major case of writers block :(

So I posted a video on my new youtube account: GemmaAntoniaTV to show you all. Please subscribe to my new channel lovelies, there’ll be lots more hauls, reviews, makeup tutorials etc soon.

I’ve nearly finished college…forever!!! We only have 2 – 3 weeks left! It’s so exciting to be finally leaving and scary at the same time. But as I’ve said before, I’m off to university at the end of September and that’s going to be a completely new experience. My accommodation is booked, I have the majority of things for my flat and my grades are looking great, so I don’t think there’s any way I could get out of going to university. I’ll admit that there’s still a part of me that secretly wants to mess things up somewhere along the line so I can stay here with the people I care about, but then I know that I would be incredibly stupid to do that because when it comes to education and your own future you have to be entirely selfish and just focus on what’s best for you no matter how much you don’t really want to. I just wish I could have my cake and eat it too.

Anyway, we’ve been having fantastic weather here in England recently and today I even wore tiny shorts with no tights on! I usually can’t bare to not wear tights but because of how hot it is I decided to brave it out and I’m so glad I did because I was only a little conscious for 5 minutes and then I felt like showing off my legs was completely normal for me, I need to not wear tights more often!

Has anyone ever tried Scottish pineapple tarts? I hadn’t until recently when I saw them in Marks & Spencers and since pineapple is my favourite fruit I was instantly drawn to them. They’re absolutely amazing!!! I can’t believe my nan didn’t tell me about them when I was little and she used to make me Scottish tablet, since she was Scottish herself.

Adios guys! I suppose I better go and finish my assignment, 3 A’s so far so only one more to go! :)

I’m sure it looks like I’ve completely forgotten about this blog, but I haven’t and I can assure you I have 17, yes 17, half written blog posts just dying to be finished. I also have a great deal of photo’s just sitting on my SD card from my camera waiting to be sifted through and a few video’s waiting to be converted and uploaded to my youtube. I am very very busy with college things at the moment and also trying to get everything sorted for uni financially whilst maintaining some sort of a social life so for now I’ll leave you with this…

Tom took me on a day trip to London on Friday. We went to the Science Museum, the Natural History Museum (both of which I’d never been to before) and then had dinner at an all you can eat Chinese buffet and went to the pub. I mustn’t drink Strongbow so fast in future though since I ended up a little tipsy and sitting on the toilet pretending it was a racecar to say the least, haha! We traveled around on the tube which is always fun, although busy but that’s expected since it is London! Tom did get stuck in the tube door though because he tried to get on whilst the doors were shutting and I pulled him back and then couldn’t stop laughing at him. I just had this image of him in my head with his arse sticking out the tube doors and scraping along the side of a tunnel or something. I had a great time but unfortunately my camera ran out just as we got into the Natural History Museum, although Tom was being snap happy with the camera but I didn’t charge it up fully the night before we went anyway.

Almost quite literally! The Triumph Daytona was winner of the 2009 Supertest ‘King of Supersports’ award (for the fourth time) and MCN’s Sportsbike of the Year, plus, it’s gorgeous, how can you not like this bike!?! Here’s a random fact for you, the guy in the video below has the same Arlen Ness motorbike boots as I do!

This years special edition is what I’ve got my eye on, although admittedly when I do come to buy a bike which will be in about a year and a half I’ll be hunting around for a while to find one! Failing that, the caspian blue is also pretty amazing.

Special Edition 2010 Daytona

Caspian Blue 2010 Daytona
If you haven’t guessed already from this post, or my previous motorbike related posts, I’m a motorbike nut and cars generally don’t interest me in the slightest. I suppose it’s the adrenaline junkie in me taking over there but I don’t think I’ll get a car until I actually need one, i.e. I had children, and even then I’d want to have a motorbike as well if it was at all possible. I also have a confession to make, I’m sitting here right now head to toe in my motorbike gear…and yes that includes the helmet! I guess I’m secretly wishing some random biker will turn up at my house with their motorbike and whisk me off on a random adventure. I had to try everything on though, it’s been 5 months since I’ve last been on a bike and my withdrawal symptoms are getting crazy! I can’t even hop on the jetski to give me a slight boost for a while because my dads selling it. Listen to me, I sound like such an addict!